top 40 in an uber, November 2018

there is something cathartic

about crying hysterically

in the back of an uber

while the driver glances over

at the rear view and nervously

digs through the top 40

attempting to ignore you

while Mariah Carey tell us

all she wants for christmas

and it’s “you”

John is not a great driver

but he’s a good companion

he knows that I am not okay

and he doesn’t need to ask

he lands on a song

about moving on

and ISNT IT IRONIC

i thought i had emerged

burial shroud

in hand

ready for the WHOLE world

but tonight I am liable to dig

a hole and shove my face

in first

John glances back and says finally

“Hey, I’m sorry to… uh.. interrupt but I just wanted to say.. maybe take a breath??”

that’s very sweet but

breathing in is hard

with a mouth full of

dirt, John.

-Sheila C.

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anyway

I unhinged the cabinets

and left the doors

by the steps

i thought we could use them

to close up the holes

in the family room

my grief is hardened

and it’s “fuck all anyway”,

you said.

I can save the china

and take it with me

I guess

– sheila c.

pluto & neptune

it’s only space

between

pluto

& neptune.

 

you know 

even galileo 

was empirically 

incorrect.
 

fixed stars 

or planets.. 
 

only orbit 

makes the difference 

orbit 

 

and distance 

 

maybe a core? 

 

no matter 

I don’t believe 

they ever 

know the sun 
 

and honestly  

I am 

so tired 

of dreaming 

that I am sliding 

my fingers 

over the baby hairs 

near your face. 
 

– Sheila C. 

 

 

mapsĀ 

I’m uncomfortable with

the concept of distance,

more so with that of space

though,

there is some choice in distance.

often in planes I look out 

and imagine all the bodies 

that surely inhabit

the bottom of the pacific 

they didn’t choose

to rest there, 

alone. 

sometimes I can see myself 

floating. 

– sheila c.