the cardinal came by today

little flash of red pulsing life

i am jealous of his vigor

his will..

long ago I told a myself a lie

and I told it so often

i began to believe it

it exists now in the space between dreams

and stillness

a silent hum I can’t escape

respite exists only in the seconds

the second I open my eyes

the second I smell the citrus in my panicked tea

the second I type the words I need said

the second I imagine taking a last breath

and being born again

a red breast and beak and vigor

there is no respite like the seconds

but there is no punishment like them either

– sheila c.