“don’t be this way”

he said. 

I am pumping blood 

but I’m not sure I am alive

i cower under life’s thumb 

more than often than not

and it is nonsense that drives my spirit 

a dream sequence from a movie 

that will never be made 

whatever propelled me forward

for 30 years and some months 

has been exhausted 

or contained 

or both. 

i am humbled by your ability to love

so fully, so wholly 

a person so flawed 

and repaired over a lifetime 

many lifetimes, it seems 

i am humbled 

but not ready 

and i am sure i will regret it 

in time 

– sheila c.