mulling 

its quiet now
a blanket covers my legs
& there’s a pillow tucked
between my thighs
because my knees are bony
the curtains are drawn
and the numbing light
from the tv is lulling
me to sleep
i’ve seen this before
but i’ve decided
its not worth mulling over
not tonight
i can feel myself detaching
pulling apart slowly
the notifications on my phone
are ravenous
its almost like they can sense
vulnerable loneliness
i wish i could think
of the right words
but i’m stuck thinking
about the time
i fractured my knees
riding a bike
distracted
i rode into a car
brakes
arms
thoughts
they were useless
i could see all the hurt
laid out before me
throughout the eternity
before it happened
i saw myself
curled up on the cement
unable to move
ah, my god
that was it then
im laying now
how i laid then
that was it
i always saw it coming.

– sc

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10 thoughts on “mulling 

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